I have a crush.
I know! At my age? A crush? Seriously?
But a crush it is and I’m just going to have to accept it.
I think a crush does exactly what the word indicates; it crushes my heart, crushes it so hard and fast and deep that it takes my breath away. It’s intensely scary and deliciously rare.
I think crushes are meant to remind us that we are human, that we must give in to our feelings and let them take us into their rapid flow for a little while. The loss of control, however brief, reminds us to let go and just feel.
I’ve had crushes on both my baby boys. Those “I’ll kill for you” moments, when I couldn’t take my eyes off them, watching their eyelashes grow and holding them so tight my heart melded with them. Their eyelashes are fully grown now but that intensity is still with me every time I see them; I’m hopelessly, crushingly, in love with my children.
I’ve had crushes on my friends; intermittently and unexpectedly. At those times when we are laughing so hard, I have to pee and the joy of being together just crushes me, reminding me to remember this moment for future reference when I need a belly laugh to get me through the day. At those times when the sharing between us, the raw, honest moments that reveal our true selves just crushes me, grateful for precious friendships in my life. I’ve crushed on musicians that somehow sing my soul thoughts. I’ve crushed on moments of community and connection, sharing purpose and creativity with others, my heart so full, it feels like it might burst with happiness.
So, who is my latest crush? Elijah Cummings, chairman of the House Oversight Committee. While he’s clearly intelligent and beautifully eloquent, it’s his values that slay me to my core. His values of compassion, fairness, equality and love are not just words but behaviors and actions on full display for all to see. That takes courage and faith and I just adore it. It reminds me to hope. It reminds me to lean into those values myself, to show up with my own values on full display. If he can take the risk, then so can I.
I wish I could consciously create crushes. I wish I could bottle it up and give it to everyone I meet. More crushes would make a better world.
Have you had a crush lately?